


That Which is No Longer Ours

by ReverberatingEchoes



Category: Servamp (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Break Up, Heavy Angst, Implied Sexual Content, Insecurity, M/M, Mahiru is sad, kuro is sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-15
Updated: 2018-01-15
Packaged: 2019-03-05 05:41:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13381359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReverberatingEchoes/pseuds/ReverberatingEchoes
Summary: “If you’re going to break my heart, Kuro,” Mahiru whispers in a soft, defeated voice against Kuro’s lips, hand warm against his cheek, “Be a little more thorough.”Or,Kuro breaks up with Mahiru for his own reasons and Mahiru accepts for his own reasons, too.(If Kuro had a little bit more courage, and if Mahiru had been a little bit more selfish, and if both of them had been a little bit more certain, perhaps things could have been different.)





	That Which is No Longer Ours

**Author's Note:**

> \- This is a KuroMahi break up fic, so there's heavy angst and feels ahead! Please turn back if that's not your cup of tea. 
> 
> \- Strictly speaking, this doesn't have a happy ending.
> 
> \- Kuro is human in this AU. 
> 
> \- For context, Kuro and Mahiru have been dating for five years before agreeing to separate. 
> 
> \- This is a painful, but mutual break up. 
> 
> \- There's more to this than meets the eye as to why Kuro and Mahiru chose to separate. I'm not sure if it makes sense, or if I explained it well, or if I've hinted on it enough in the fic but there's more on the end notes about this.
> 
> \- I wrote this when I was feeling sad that's why it turned out sad, too. 
> 
> \- Crossposted on Tumblr, under ReverberatingWhispers.

* * *

 

 

“So that’s the case…There’s no helping it, is there, not when you’ve made up your mind like this,” Mahiru’s smile is rueful and his shoulders sag in resignation as he says this.

  
  


 

(Kuro wants to apologize and comfort him, to take back everything that he’s said, but Kuro has no right, he’s already lost that right the moment he listened to his father’s biting words and his demands.)

  
  


 

_ What future can you offer him, Kuro? The world won’t treat you nor that boy kindly, not with the nature of your relationship. Are you so naive as to think you can shield him from everything? Are you so naive as to think that you can shield him from me? _

  
  


 

The soft, bitter chuckle that escapes from Mahiru brings Kuro out of his thoughts.

 

 

“If you’re going to break my heart, Kuro,” Mahiru whispers in a soft, defeated voice against Kuro’s lips, hand warm against his cheek, “Be a little more thorough.”

  
  


 

(Kuro doesn’t realize it, but he’s been subconsciously rubbing soothing circles against the side of Mahiru’s waist the entire time.)

 

 

Kuro says nothing in response, eyes trained on Mahiru’s face. The sadness disappears from his face and Mahiru’s expression shifts into something more pained.

  
  


 

Kuro doesn’t remove his hand from Mahiru’s waist even as the brown eyed boy presses their lips together.

  
  


 

_ Be a little more thorough. _

  
  


 

Kuro knows that he will never forgive himself for this, and he fervently prays to the Gods that Mahiru will never forgive him either.

  
  


 

_ He doesn’t deserve any kindness from Mahiru. _

  
  


 

Kuro lets Mahiru take control, lets him straddle his hips and push him down on the bed. Mahiru kisses him with liquid courage and Kuro drowns in the taste of alcohol on Mahiru’s breath.

  
  


 

(Mahiru’s never been one to drink, and it pains Kuro to realize that he’s the one that made Mahiru turn to alcohol for comfort.)

  
  


 

He doesn’t flinch when Mahiru bites down on his lower lip, drawing blood, the tangy taste of copper invading his mouth when Mahiru parts his lips open with an insistent tongue.

  
  


 

When Mahiru pulls away, Kuro sees how bruised his lips have become. Kuro reaches out to run his thumb across the other’s lips, but Mahiru stops him with a gentle hand on his wrist.

  
  


 

The same bruised lips pull into a sad smile.

  
  


 

“Please, be a little more thorough, Kuro,” Mahiru reminds him before leaning back down to press their lips together again.

  
  


 

Kuro lets his hand fall back down on the bed. He lets Mahiru take what he wants from him because Kuro only knows how to be cruel. Kuro only knows how to break Mahiru’s heart and he resigns himself to the fact that maybe breaking Mahiru’s heart will be the only thing he will be ever good at.

  
  


 

I love you, Kuro doesn’t say.

  
  


 

I’m sorry, Kuro doesn’t say.

  
  


 

When Mahiru presses his lips against Kuro’s neck, Kuro pretends not to notice the warm tears staining his collarbone.   

  
  


 

\--

  
  


 

The next morning, Mahiru, still tangled in the sheets, watches Kuro quietly dress himself. His button-up shirt can do nothing to hide the marks Mahiru left on his neck the night before and it fills Mahiru with a twisted sort of sad satisfaction, that at least, when people see Kuro today, they will know that it was him who left those marks.

  
  


 

_ This is the last time I can show them that you’re mine. _

  
  


 

Kuro doesn’t look at him when he makes his way towards the door. Mahiru doesn’t ask him to stay, either.    

  
  


 

The door shuts with a decisive click and Mahiru is left to stare at his ceiling, feeling remarkably numb.

  
  


 

Mahiru had always thought heartbreak would be painful, but the numbness permeating his entire being tells him otherwise.

  
  


 

“...After everything, I guess I’m still not good enough for anyone, or for you, Kuro,” He whispers into the silence of the room. Mahiru thinks he should have just accepted it, that he will never be able to be enough for anyone. If even Kuro doesn't think he's worth staying for then- 

 

 

Then Mahiru doesn't want to chain Kuro to him, either. 

  
  


 

(Mahiru doesn’t quite notice that he’s started crying.)

  
  


 

(He doesn’t notice that just right outside his door, Kuro is crying as well.)

  
  


 

\--

  
  


 

On the day of the wedding, Mahiru stands at the back of the church dressed in a crisp black tuxedo with his the side of his hair pushed back neatly.

  
  


 

He comes in late, and the only thing he catches is the bride’s veil being lifted and the groom pressing his lips against hers. 

 

 

 

The church is filled with applause and Mahiru claps along, though less vigorously. He doesn’t seem to have much energy nowadays for anything at all.  

 

 

From where he is standing, he catches a glimpse of the bride and the groom’s wedding rings glinting in the light.

  
  


 

(Underneath his gloved hands, Mahiru’s own ring rests heavily on his finger.)

  
  


 

When the newlywed couple passes by, the groom catches sight of Mahiru in the back, eyes widening slightly.

  
  


 

Mahiru stands his ground, not looking away. Mahiru only nods politely at him, lips pulled into a small smile.  

  
  


 

\--

  
  


 

“Mahiru…”

  
  


 

Mahiru doesn’t turn at the familiar voice mentioning his name, as he idly swirls the wine in his glass. It’s his third glass. Maybe fourth? Mahiru can’t remember but he thinks he’s had enough to make him feel calm.

  
  


 

(More calm than empty, which is a feat in itself.)

  
  


 

His arms are rested on the balcony railings, and he is separated from the music and celebration inside the room as he considers how to regard the other person. The Mahiru of a year ago didn’t have this kind of problem-

  
  


 

But now, well, now things have changed significantly.

  
  


 

Mahiru releases a sigh and settles for a soft reprimand. “The groom shouldn’t be skipping his own reception,” Mahiru chastises quietly, setting the glass down on the railing.

 

 

  
There’s a long pause before the other replies, equally quiet, “I didn’t think you would come.”

  
  


 

“It’d be a waste not to,” Mahiru tells him, then, “I got my tuxedo ready for this occasion and all.”

  
  


 

Silence reigns and Mahiru turns around to finally look at the groom. Dressed in a white tuxedo, hair styled neatly back, Mahiru finds that a year hasn’t changed how attractive he looked.

  
  


 

(A year hasn’t managed to erase the constant cycle of numbness and pain in Mahiru’s heart, either.)  

 

 

“Congratulations on your wedding, Kuro,” Mahiru murmurs with a smile. Neither sad nor happy, just a slight upturn of his lips. It’s a polite smile. It’s a distant smile. Creating a wall between them seems like the only way Mahiru will be able to cope with everything.

  
  


 

(It’s a terrible coping mechanism, but at this point, Mahiru is willing to take what he can get.)

  
  


 

“Thank you,” Kuro returns, almost mechanically, eyes still trained on Mahiru’s face. A year ago, Mahiru would have been flustered at the blatant attention Kuro was giving him, but now-

  
  


 

Now, Mahiru can only wonder on some days what it’s like to properly feel again.

  
  


 

“I won’t be staying long,” Mahiru informs him, “I just have something I wanted to return to you.”  This was the only reason he attended Kuro’s wedding, after all. Mahiru doesn’t let himself think otherwise. Mahiru won’t allow himself to think otherwise.

  
  


 

Mahiru reaches into his suit’s pocket and walks towards Kuro. He takes Kuro’s wrist and presses a tiny, velvet box into his palm. Kuro’s eyes widen, immediately recognizing the box.  

  
  


_A warm afternoon. The soft noise of the ceiling fan._ _Mahiru is leaning comfortably against Kuro as Kuro hands him a box._

 

 

_ “Kuro, what’s this for?” _

  
  


 

_ “Don’t ask and just open it.” _

  
  


 

“I’m sorry it took me a while to give it back. I honestly didn’t know how to go about it,” Mahiru reveals to him softly. In between wanting to throw it away and keeping it close to his heart, Mahiru decided that perhaps the only way he’ll be able to get a peace of mind is to return it.

  
  


(Mahiru doesn’t want to keep something that was never meant to be his in the first place.)

 

 

  
_A soft gasp. A small chuckle._

 

 

 

_ “It’s a...Kuro, are you...asking me to marry you?” _

  
  


 

_ A pause. “Not now. I mean, in the future. And only...only if that’s what you want.” _

  
  


 

Mahiru lets go of Kuro’s wrist as the other gazes blankly at the box on his hand.

  
  


 

_The sound of rain. A choked sob._

 

 

 

_ “I can’t continue this relationship anymore. It’s been decided that I’ll be marrying her next year. Let’s end this, Mahiru.” _

 

 

 

_A resigned laugh. Glassy eyes. An empty bottle of liquor._

 

 

 

_ “So that’s the case…There’s no helping it, is there, not when you’ve made up your mind like this,” _

 

 

 

_ “If you’re going to break my heart, Kuro, be a little more thorough.” _

  
  


 

_The quiet sound of hearts breaking._

 

 

 

Kuro brings his gaze back to Mahiru, who nods at him before slowly making his way past Kuro.

  
  


 

“May you have many fruitful years ahead of you, Kuro,” Mahiru tells him in parting, and Kuro listens to his footsteps against the marble, listens as the sound of his footsteps slowly fade away. He hears the people inside looking for him, hears his bride calling out his name.

  
  


 

Mahiru hadn’t asked him to stay then. If Kuro had a little bit more courage, he would have asked the brown-eyed boy to stay this time.

  
  


 

(If Kuro had a little bit more courage, and if Mahiru had been a little bit more selfish, and if both of them had been a little bit more certain, perhaps things could have been different.)

 

 

Instead, Kuro pockets the box and walks towards Mahiru’s half-finished drink. He takes the glass and finishes the wine in one go.

  
  


 

(The alcohol burns his throat.)

  
  


 

Later, when Kuro returns to the reception and half-heartedly dances with his bride, the people mistake his tears for his happiness as a newly-wedded man. This is for the best, Kuro tells himself, this is for the best.

  
  


 

(Maybe if he repeats it often enough, he can finally start to convince himself.)

 

 

\--

  
  


 

Later, when Mahiru reaches his apartment and enters the safety of his room, he buries his face into his hands and lets out a choked sob.

  
  


 

A year has done  _ absolutely nothing _  to fix him and his heart. A part of Mahiru wants to be free, free from this cycle of hurt and apathy, but at the same time-

  
  


 

(At the same time, he wants to be able to continue loving Kuro like this, painfully, in the silence of his own broken heart.)

 

 

 

\--  
  


* * *

**Author's Note:**

> \- It's implied that Kuro's family (his father) is against his relationship with Mahiru and has enough power and influence to potentially ruin Mahiru's life unless Kuro gives in to what his father is demanding of him, that is, to end his relationship with Mahiru and marry a suitable woman of his father's choosing. Kuro will always choose Mahiru's safety above his own happiness, even if it means hurting Mahiru in the process, and thus breaks up with Mahiru. 
> 
> \- It's implied that Mahiru's battling insecurities, in his personal relationships and in himself. He takes it to mean that the reason his previous relationships never worked out is because of him not being good enough, of him lacking any qualities that make people want to stay by his side. When Kuro, one of the people Mahiru trusts and loves the most, expresses his desire to end their relationship, Mahiru folds into himself and accepts it as that, that once again, because he's not good enough, Kuro doesn't want to stay with him either. Mahiru decides to agree to the break up because he refuses to tie Kuro down to someone like him.
> 
> \- That being said, it would have been better for the both of them if they properly conveyed their fears and feelings to one another. Communication is the key to any relationship and our KuroMahi pair here sadly was unable to properly communicate with one another about their relationship and where they wanted it to go. 
> 
> \- I'm sorry for the sad KuroMahi.


End file.
